"Friends" are a tough subject for me. (Notice, I'm not talking about the TV show.) Right now, within 100 mile radius of my house, I have none.
The problem is I've chosen to bring people into my life who I end up dumping or who are not good for me. These are such big faults of mine. I definitely blame myself, for both driving away good people, and also making destructive choices.
The thing is, now I'm deathly afraid of having friends (other than aforementioned food, still working on that one). I am so afraid of choosing badly yet again, or unfairly ditching good people because I don't want them to know me or I find a fault with them.
Sadly, in order to get away from the one major destructive friendship in my life, I avoided anyone associated with that person, and dissed a lot of great people. Recently, while visiting Michigan, I ran into a few people I dissed, and realized what a mistake that was. I was happily surprised that these guys were so kind to me after what I'd done to them. They are truly amazing.
My awesome mother-in-law is such a good influence in my life and has often reminded me that for the most part, people are good. I love that she is able to see that, and I really value that wisdom that she had imparted to me. It has given me hope that someday, I will find people who are genuine. Maybe I will come to realize that I can have friends in my life who accept me the way I am and I can reciprocate without running away at the first sign of a flaw.
I really miss having friends.
Disclaimer:
Shelly, I miss you a lot, and I know if we lived by each other, we'd be together all the time.
Judy, I really miss having you as my friend. You are such a great and positive person, and I adore what a fabulous woman I know you are, even though we haven't see each other in years.
